only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
