i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
