when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
