Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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