I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
