I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
