At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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