i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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