I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
