i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
