break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
