he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
