she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize