He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
