Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
