my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So many bounce houses so little time
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
