I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
