For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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