Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
