so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
