Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
