Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
