It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
