oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
