The maid of honor just puked.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
