meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
