The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
