i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
