I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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