Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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