Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
