was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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