felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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