also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
