"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
