No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
