I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
