have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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