She announced her abortion via fbk
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
