If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
