I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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