I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
