I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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