I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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