i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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