So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
