did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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