I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
