1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
