She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize