He kissed a someone with a penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
