Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
