My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
