do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
