I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
