i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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