Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
