before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
