He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
