Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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