If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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