he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
