I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
