Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
