508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize