i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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