so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
