Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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