It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
