dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
