But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
