My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize