I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
