Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
