WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
