she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
