Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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