okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Holy shit dude........stairs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize