We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
