You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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