i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
