Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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