Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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