I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
