i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The best revenge is premature balding
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
