May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
