Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
