The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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