people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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