im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
