I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
